American Idol Live Blog!

And we're back...

They show the Judges arriving together...right. Since the show is kind of boring, let's talk about them shall we? Randy has these new mutton shops on his face and appears as if he's gaining a bit of that weight back. Paula seems to be surpisingly coherent but anything compared to that disastrous reality show "Hey Paula" is ok. And Simon is just like me - bored and just looking for the next check...

First up..Elise, a very skinny woman who likes to do something she thinks is dancing. Can she sing - no. Can she scream? HELL YES. This tiny skinny girl screams like she is a child sitting in R. Kelly's lap.

Next up a mini-montage of nastiness.

And then we have a bald man who clearly does not meet the age requirements. His name is Milo and he wants to sing a song called "No Sex Allowed". Where to start?? It's a song about a woman wanting sex from Milo which is fiction, obviously. And the lyrics are so stupid that one wonders if the producers went to a freak show and conivnced some poor man that he would be perfect for American Idol just to have him massacred in front of millions of people.

Next we have "Horse girl" who sold her horse to come to the audition. She's a CAGE FIGHTER. I think that's code for she does low-rent porn in Oregon. She sings Amazing Grace and she's not bad. Paula says, and this is where I laugh, "you've got a great tone in your voice" as if she knows anything about singing. Anyway, horse-girl goes to Hollywood. All jokes aside, she's cute and pretty and could be a contender. We'll see...