Gotta love Fox - "The Sarah Connor Chonicles is the years Number 1 new show!" It's Janury 2008!!!
AI's back and we get some funny reactions from the losers, Droopy Dog says the judges didn't........think..........he.........had.......enough........energy". I need a Red Bull just watching him.
Christina is up and she's out of this world with her Princess Leia hairstyle and she threatens to have children. Oh - and men apparently love her - she "doesn't know why" and neither do I. Guess there's some lonely, sad, Star Wars geeks who have made her their queen. And then she sings...all I can hear is her sing "and I'm growing tired" and i wish my mom would come in and tell me it's bedtime and time to go to sleep. The judges hate her and she keeps saying " I think you need a goofball". Maybe that's why these freaks go on here - they think it's American Goofball and they should try out..
And we meet Brooke as Chrisitna is STILL lamenting not getting to be the american Goofball (honey you won in my book). Brooke lives in Van Nuys and i wonder if I've seen her arounfd the neighborhood - but i definitely didn't see her at an r-rated movie cause she's never seen one and she doesn't drink or sware or rat her hair. She's married and her husband hasn't seen an R-rated movie either.....blah...blah...can she sing? No! But the judges think so she's going to Hollywood!
Thankfully, she's the last of this sad depressing night. What do you all think - besides the fact that there are over 1 million typos in our posts???
American Idol Live Blog!
American Idol Live Blog!
And we're back and Paula gets her wish - the Roman Soldier is back and he's smooth now. He wants to sing "Doncha" but Simon has had enough and promptly kicks him out.
Next it looks like we have an actual contender - Chris, good lookin and ready to go. He SINGS! Simon thinks he looks like a "star" and Randy think he can really sing. And Simon starts up some BRO-mance and says "the girls will like you". Only closeted gay men say that...speaking of which, Ryan was all over him. Told ya!
American Idol Live Blog!
And next - Benjamin throws off his cloak and is wearing a roman soldier outfit. And Paula thinks that the only problem with this is he has chest hair and sends him to go get his chest waxed. I take back all the nice things i said about Paula.
"American Idol don't want Shiquita!!"
- A love song for Paula Abdul from Paul (who's 32?)- it's horrible and Simon kicks him out ("If I were Columbo I'd Peter Faulk her"). Here we get our "can you believe this" moment. He pretty much tells Paula he is a stlaker and wants to "stalk her". WEIRD!
Then we have Beth, who thank God doesn't have a gimmick and just sings. Simon dismisses her but Randy and Paula send her to Hollywood.
American Idol Live Blog!
And we're back...
They show the Judges arriving together...right. Since the show is kind of boring, let's talk about them shall we? Randy has these new mutton shops on his face and appears as if he's gaining a bit of that weight back. Paula seems to be surpisingly coherent but anything compared to that disastrous reality show "Hey Paula" is ok. And Simon is just like me - bored and just looking for the next check...
First up..Elise, a very skinny woman who likes to do something she thinks is dancing. Can she sing - no. Can she scream? HELL YES. This tiny skinny girl screams like she is a child sitting in R. Kelly's lap.
Next up a mini-montage of nastiness.
And then we have a bald man who clearly does not meet the age requirements. His name is Milo and he wants to sing a song called "No Sex Allowed". Where to start?? It's a song about a woman wanting sex from Milo which is fiction, obviously. And the lyrics are so stupid that one wonders if the producers went to a freak show and conivnced some poor man that he would be perfect for American Idol just to have him massacred in front of millions of people.
Next we have "Horse girl" who sold her horse to come to the audition. She's a CAGE FIGHTER. I think that's code for she does low-rent porn in Oregon. She sings Amazing Grace and she's not bad. Paula says, and this is where I laugh, "you've got a great tone in your voice" as if she knows anything about singing. Anyway, horse-girl goes to Hollywood. All jokes aside, she's cute and pretty and could be a contender. We'll see...
American Idol Live Blog!
And we're back with a montage of wins and losses and Ryan Seacrest looking gayer than ever.
Next we meet a single female, Angela Martin, the first contestant who looks like she could win! She has a sick child who has all sorts of medical problems. Are we going to get a happy ending finally? I think so...and for the record, her sick daughter is adorable! The whole family is there to support and Angela comes and gives an impressive performance. During Simon's critiques he tells her not to use "wedding singer tricks". He actually gives her some good advice that will probably help her! Wow! That's something new..
I can't help but be underwhelemed. it's 9:10 and I haven't seen something noteworthy. No Hungs, Fantasias or even Jareds! Where's our watercooler moment?
American Idol Live Blog!
And next up...Alexis Cohen! She's definitely got access to glitter and a bedazzler from the looks of her clothes. Interestingly enough, the cameras seemed to have gone to her house and show who she is. Normally this means they'll make it through but she sings and you know...NOPE! She gets up and sings "Don't you want somebody to love" - and Alexis looks like she's on crack. Simon doesn't "think this compeition is right" for her and the judges agree. Randy feels bad for her and leaves her with "PEace, love and chicken grease". Simon likens her to the green goblin from SPiderman and then ALexis goes off and goes insane. All i can say is what ALexis said - "Take it, take it, take it!" she makes certain to give the finger and curse and scream out for a long, long, long time.
Haven't we seen this whole thing before? Tameka from season 1, yes - TA! ME! KA! still told off Simon better than anyone else.
American Idol Live Blog!
Ok - it's 8:40 PM and I feel as if we've had a tiny bit of show...
First up: Mark Hayes, who sings "I'm Dreaming of A White Christmas" - definite idol material, right? NO? Ugh...
OH no here comes Udde? - he made his own MC Hammer dance...should be great..nope not great at all. He has a "mindset" that he's going to come out and win. Note to self: "The Secret" won't help you on American Idol. And he sings "My Way" all on one note. Simon says "Plainly, singing won't be part of your career". Udde doesn't get it and asks to sing again...NEXT!
Next up, the freak show montage set to "I Love Rock and Roll"....cue the shocked judge reactions....the hopelessly horrible singers...costume acts...and if you've ever seen American Idol than you've seen this before. And you know what - it was funny the first 4 seasons but now it's just tired and boring.
More commercials! YAY! Can you believe people are paying upwards of $700k for a 30-sec act? WOW! For this...gotta love America!
American Idol Live Blog!
Ok next commerical break over...
- Sybill gave Jennifer Hudson a boost with a terrible rendition of "Love You I Do"
- Jose sang a spanish "Unbreak My Heart" - ok...he's going to HW.
- TEMPTRESS BROWN: a female linebacker who looks like she more than meets the weight requirement. They did a sad story angle - her mom is very sick (too-much-food-itis). Am i heartless or just used to seeing these sad stroy background pieces on AI? Anyway - she's singin "I'm Not Goin Nowhere??" aka "And I Am Telling You". But then she sang it was so bad! AWWW - now she's crying and I feel bad for her. The judges all give her a hug and walk her out, SIMON'S idea - shock! - and they made her feel good. Forgive me for my cyniscism but is this a reaction to last years criticism that the judges were too mean? Hmmmmm...
By the way...does anyone else REALLY want to see "The Moment of Truth" where they ask embarassing questions to contestants and all they have to do is answer truthfully (they have a lie detector). When they have an obese woman ask a skinny male "Are you disgusted by fat people?" - you can see him SQUIRM! And who can't wait to see what happens when they ask someone "Are you really concerned about the starving children in Africa?"
American Idol Live Blog!
Well we're blogging the AI first episode tonite in Philadephia - so far:
-We saw a guy who lost 204 pounds go through to Hollywood. Losing the weight was a huge feat, but I don't think he's got IT. Nonetheless, e's going to Hollywood where everyone will tell him he needs to lose more weight.
-We saw ALEF? A Borat look-alike who looks like he's just happy to be there and make sexy time with Paula..Not going to H'Wood
- Next was James who looks perfectly nice in a suit, who when sings sounds like a retarded preacher.
So far, kind of the same old same old...bad auditions and thousands of people eager to get on the show.
